There’s a side of Christmas that many people never see or consider.

Not intentionally, just through the innocence of youth, the distraction of materialism, or the glow of festive lights and cocktails that make everything look brighter than it really is.

For many, Christmas feels very different.

I grew up in England where Christmas was ‘a thing’

As was Harvest Festival, Easter, New Year, Mothering Sunday … But Christmas was a really big thing.

The hype, the presents, the hopes, the letters to Santa, the footsteps in snow leading mysteriously to the house (how did that happen? Was the milkman in on it?)

Every shop in the high street sparkled with tinsel. Trees adorned with baubles, tiny decorations that each held their own meaning.

Cards were bought, written and sent. Lists kept to ensure nobody was forgotten.

The Christmas cake was made in September and lovingly laced with brandy to ensure it was moist. (The marzipan was my favourite bit).  

Tins of Roses or Cadbury chocolates were a feature, daily consumption carefully moderated.

Stockings on the end of the bed .. and Santa always left a mandarin. I never figured out why. And I’ve never liked mandarins.

Looking back, I can see how fortunate we were; Christmas was full of abundance. And because of that, I didn’t understand that this wasn’t the reality for everyone.

Year after year I prayed for a horse to call my own. 

I wrote to Santa.

I was a good girl all year (or at least I tried to be).

But instead came dolls, clothes, books, tennis gear – so many lovely things … but never a horse, or a pony.

I was told off for not getting excited, or for not wanting to wear dresses and get dressed up.

But all I wanted to do was slosh through mud, roll in stables and be present with horses.

We never went without. My father worked incredibly hard to ensure we had a comfortable life.

From the outside, all our ‘needs’ were met – and in many ways, we had far more than the basics.

But one need I carried quietly inside me was never fulfilled: the need for the silent attunement, co-regulation and companionship that only a horse could give me.

I didn’t have many human friends growing up. I found my sense of belonging in nature and with animals. A horse would have been a best friend, a steady presence, a way for my nervous system to settle.

It wasn’t about wanting ‘a pony’ — it was about longing for connection in the only way that truly made sense to me at that time.

The Charade

When my own kids were young, I kept up the charade for them. The ‘wonder’ of Christmas, the magic of Santa, the hype of presents under the tree, turkey and all the trimmings, sweet mince pies, brandy butter (there was another favourite!)

But over time, my beliefs around Christmas have changed.

I became aware of the part of Christmas we were never taught to see.

Yes, we watched films like A Christmas Carol, but poverty and loneliness were stories, not something we experienced firsthand.

Now I see it so clearly. I feel it deeply.

I have empathy for those on ‘the other side’ of Christmas.

Those who have lost someone they love – human or furry.

Those who’ve had a change of circumstance and now find themselves living alone, feeling outside the circle.

Those who don’t have money to buy those presents that everyone around them expects, but go deeper into debt trying to meet expectations of others.

Those who continue to “put on a show” – while silently collapsing inside.

Christmas can amplify everything. Including pain.

Gratitude

I am truly blessed to live where I do. I am deeply grateful for all that I have.

I don’t ignore the comforts in life that surround me.

And though I work hard to sustain it all, I’ve known since I landed here in Gundungurra Country that I was to share this special space with others.

My journey is figuring out with whom, when and how.

A Place At The Table

This year I’m beginning an initiative for those who find themselves on ‘the other side’ of Christmas; the ones who don’t want the noise or pressure, but who still long for connection.

A Place At The Table is an opportunity to come to a safe space to be held, heard and accepted.

The herd are in on this with me and ready to welcome guests too.

We’ll share a simple, vegetarian, gluten-free home prepared lunch before spending time with the horses (optional). Horses who offer unconditional presence, acceptance and grounding without needing words.

No lavish gifts. No forced cheer.

Just genuine companionship during a season that can feel heavy for so many.

A different kind of festive, one rooted in warmth rather than performance, and in truth rather than tradition.

If this is calling you – or someone you know, we’d love you to join us. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

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