Self-love is a concept we often hear bandied about, yet it’s arguably one of the most enigmatic concepts in the world – a myriad of emotions, feelings, and attitudes that don’t quite coalesce into a singular, identifiable idea.

So what is self-love? It’s the practice of understanding your own needs and desires, then granting yourself the grace to meet them without judgement or self-recrimination. Every act of kindness we show ourselves, every boundary we set, and every moment of acceptance we afford ourselves contributes to the idea of self-love. It’s the foundation from which all other love springs.

What is meant by self-love?

At its core, self-love is about recognising your value as a human being and understanding that you have a right to take up space in this world, just as you are. It’s about making choices that reflect this self-respect. You learn to accept and embrace who you are – the good, the bad, and the seemingly ugly.

Self-love doesn’t mean you’re self-obsessed or narcissistic; it simply means you treat yourself with the same kindness and respect that you’d extend to others. 

In a world that constantly attempts to define us, self-love is our defiant act of self-definition. It’s the understanding that we are enough just as we are.

When you begin to love yourself, there’s a palpable shift in how you interact with the world. You no longer seek validation from others because you’ve found it within yourself. You start to appreciate your imperfections instead of criticising them. You set boundaries and say “no” comfortably. You listen to your needs. You accept that making mistakes is not a measure of your worth but a part of the human experience. 

Above all, you understand that you are your longest commitment, and your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have. 

Making self-love second nature requires consistent practice, much like learning a new language or instrument. It’s not an overnight change; it’s a gradual shift in mindset. 

Start with small but meaningful actions each day. This could be as simple as saying positive affirmations to yourself in the mirror each morning or setting aside time each day for activities that bring you joy. Eventually, you’ll find that you’ve been practising self-love without even realising it, and that’s the moment when it truly becomes second nature.

7 examples of putting self-love into practice

Here’s what self-love looks like:

1. Ask yourself “What do I need now?”

This question is not about the superficial, momentary desires, but about the deep, nourishing needs that fuel your wellbeing. Whether it’s a need for creative expression, meaningful connection, or quiet solitude, recognising these needs is a profound act of self-love. 

Remember, your needs are valid, and honouring them is not selfish. It’s essential. 

You’ll need to look inward and confront raw, unfiltered truths. You might find yourself needing something that society often mislabels or dismisses as frivolous – perhaps, you need an afternoon of doing absolutely nothing, or a night in with a book instead of going to another social gathering, or maybe, you simply need to cry without reason. There is no shame in these needs. 

2. Figure out your favourite way to find balance

In life, you may stumble upon days when the weight of the world seems unbearably heavy. Maybe it’s a day when the mirror reflects a stranger or when the clamour of society drowns your inner voice. These are the moments when self-love whispers gently, urging you to wrap your arms around yourself with understanding and care. 

Self-love encapsulates those tiny, private moments of compassion that reinforce your worth. These moments may not make the headlines, but they are paramount in shaping your relationship with yourself. 

Perhaps for you, balance comes from a silent morning meditation – an invigorating run as the sun sets – the simple act of cooking a nourishing meal for yourself. Finding what makes you feel centred might take some trial and error, and that’s okay! 

Be kind to yourself.

Be patient.

Cherish your own company. 

3. Do what makes you feel beautiful and fulfilled

We all have those moments when we’re critical of ourselves, picking out flaws and shortcomings with unmatched precision. Instead of berating yourself, try saying, “It’s okay. I’m human, and humans aren’t perfect. I’ll learn from this and do better next time.” This mental shift may feel small, but it can have a significant impact on your journey towards self-appreciation.

Other powerful ways to cultivate self-love is by doing what makes us feel beautiful and fulfilled. It could be as simple as taking a walk in nature, indulging in your favourite book, or spending time on a beloved hobby. These activities allow us to appreciate our own company, celebrate our individuality, and ultimately, bask in the beauty of our unique existence. 

4. Forgive yourself

Life is an endless learning process.

Let’s forgive ourselves for not knowing better at the time – forgive ourselves for giving too much, for staying too long, or for not acting sooner. We are not the same people we were in the past. We’ve learned, evolved, and grown. With forgiveness, we free ourselves from the chains of regret and open our hearts to the healing power of self-love.

Putting forgiveness into practice begins with introspection. Try writing down instances you feel you need to forgive yourself for, and then, one by one, truly absolve yourself of each. Speak words of forgiveness to yourself.

Tip: Keep in mind that forgiveness is a gift to yourself. And we should all gift something to ourselves from time to time.

5. Spend time with people who uplift and support you

Sure, you could try to do self-love on your own, and yes, that’s a part of the journey. But the thing is, we’re social creatures by nature. We thrive on connection, interaction, and mutual growth. Self-love is more than locking yourself in a room with a mirror and chanting affirmations. 

While self-love starts with you, it doesn’t end there. It ripples outward, touching and influencing every aspect of your life. 

Surrounding yourself with people who uplift and support you is a quintessential act of self-love. This doesn’t just mean people who offer compliments and praise, but those who challenge you, inspire you, and push you to grow while still offering a landing place of acceptance and understanding. 

They’re the ones who see your value, even when you’re wrestling with self-doubt. They stand by you through thick and thin, remind you of your strengths, and celebrate your victories – no matter how small. 

In this journey of self-love, it’s crucial to invest time and energy in relationships that mirror the love you’re striving to cultivate within yourself.

6. Learn to say no to demands that overextend your time, energy, or comfort

Setting healthy boundaries is a fundamental aspect of self-care and emotional intelligence. 

Just as you wouldn’t overfill a cup with water because it’s not designed to hold more than its capacity, you shouldn’t overextend your own boundaries. It’s okay to decline invitations, tasks, and responsibilities that challenge your comfort level or eat into your personal time. 

Just like eating, sleeping, or breathing, self-love is not something that can be put off indefinitely without negative consequences. If you constantly push yourself to the back burner, neglecting your own needs while incessantly catering to others, you’ll likely find yourself going through a multitude of feelings. You’ll start feeling drained, stressed, and disconnected from your own wellbeing. 

Tip: Every “no” you say is a “yes” to yourself and your wellbeing. There’s nothing selfish about prioritising your own health and happiness.

7. Seek support when needed

Indeed, the term is “self-love”, but it doesn’t mean you’re on this journey alone. 

There’s nothing shameful about reaching out to those around you: friends, family, or professionals. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness. Just as you’d rush to aid someone you love, allow others to do the same for you. This act of seeking support is a crucial step towards your physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. 

Give yourself the permission to lean on others when the journey gets tough.

Being brave enough to say “I need help” doesn’t diminish your strength or worth. In fact, what you’re actually doing is stepping back to allow others to light your path when things get dark.

Avoid the arrogance trap

There’s a fine line between self-confidence and conceit. 

Self-love is about fostering a healthy self-esteem that’s grounded in reality, not superiority. And it’s here that conscientiousness plays a pivotal role. Being conscientious means being mindful of our actions and how they affect others around us. 

The manifestation of genuine self-love, as opposed to arrogance, can often be seen in our daily actions and interactions. It’s visible when we express kindness and understanding rather than dismissiveness.

For instance, someone who truly loves themselves might respond to criticism with openness and a desire to improve, whereas an arrogant individual might dismiss or deflect criticism.

Consider an instance at work where you make a mistake. If you’re operating from a place of self-love, you could acknowledge the mishap, apologise where necessary, and seek to rectify it. Rather than overly criticising yourself, you might view the error as an opportunity to learn and grow. On the other hand, if you’re coming from a place of arrogance, you might attempt to shift the blame or dismiss the mistake as insignificant.

In terms of social situations, we often run into a crossroads with someone who disagrees with our opinion. When you come from a place of self-love, you’ll respect their differing viewpoint and engage in a healthy discussion, even though it might challenge some beliefs. On the contrary, an arrogant individual might belittle the other’s opinion or become argumentative, trying to assert their superiority at the cost of the relationship.

Fall in love with yourself in the Southern Highlands

Self-love is the foundation stone upon which we build our life. Rather than becoming self-absorbed, you choose to get in touch with yourself. Now imagine a place where you can foster this self-love – away from the maddening rush, the noise, and the pressure. A place where you can just breathe easily. 

That place is called the Highlands Centre for Healing. Nestled in the heart of New South Wales, we’ve designed wellness retreats that allow you to strip away the layers of stress, anxiety, and external demands. 

You’ll discover a new appreciation of who you are. When you leave our retreats, you’ll take this newfound love with you, spreading it into every corner of your life.

Invest in your long-term happiness and wellbeing today.