It’s quite sad when we think about how we go from having all the time in the world for our friends to juggling calendars just to squeeze in a quick catch-up. It takes a lot of time, effort, and intention to keep those friendships alive and meaningful, especially when life pulls us in a million different directions.

As we age, our lives become more filled with responsibilities that demand our time and energy, often leaving less room for socialising and forming new friendships. There’s also the whole emotional aspect wherein, as adults, we tend to forget – or sometimes outright ignore – since, again, we’re “adults” now. We shouldn’t have these “emotional issues” anymore nor should you have to search “how to make friends as an adult”.

But that’s okay. It’s completely normal to have these types of problems in adulthood. Like many things in life, adult friendships don’t always come easy.

Why is it hard to make friends as an adult?

Making friends as an adult can indeed feel like a more challenging endeavour than it did during childhood or adolescence. There are several reasons why this is the case, and understanding them can sometimes make the process feel a bit less frustrating.  

For starters, as we age, our lives become jampacked with obligations (e.g., work, family, personal obligations), leaving less time for social activities and meeting new people. Unlike school settings that naturally foster social interaction, adult life doesn’t always offer the same built-in opportunities for meeting new people.

There’s also the aspect of changing social dynamics; as adults, people tend to be more selective about who they invest their time and energy in. We become selective. By the time we reach our 30s, we have a stronger sense of who we are. We look for connections that are not just based on shared interests but also on shared values, life stages, and depth of connection. This higher standard can make it seem harder to find compatible friends.

Moreover, life as an adult can often lead to geographical mobility – moving to new cities or countries for job opportunities or personal reasons, which can disrupt existing social circles and necessitate starting over in unfamiliar environments. 

Lastly, many adults experience self-doubt and fear of rejection. Our social skills can become rusty. If you’ve been out of the social scene for a while, jumping back in can feel intimidating. The ease of striking up conversations and making connections can diminish over time, especially if most of your interactions have been limited to a close-knit circle or have been predominantly professional.

Despite these challenges, it’s important to remember that making new friends as an adult is still very much possible. It might require more effort and intentionality than it did when you were younger, but the friendships formed can be just as meaningful (if not more so). 

Many find that the friends they make as adults are among the most enduring and supportive, largely because those relationships are based on more than just circumstance; they’re chosen.

How to realistically make friends

1. Join clubs, groups, or classes that align with your interests

Leaning into your interests can be a game-changer in the friend-making department. Whether it’s joining a local book club, signing up for a cooking class, or even engaging in an online gaming community, these are spaces where friendships can bloom naturally. 

You’re all there because you love the same thing. It’s easy to break the ice. Being in these kinds of environments makes conversations flow naturally. This shared passion not only makes initial conversations easier but also means you’ll likely meet people who are on the same wavelength as you, making for potentially deeper and more meaningful connections.

If we may add, we’d love to suggest our wellness retreats as well – they’re the perfect combination of self-care and socialisation. The activities at these retreats – whether they’re yoga sessions, meditation workshops, or nature walks – provide fantastic opportunities to bond with others in a more relaxed and open environment.

Here’s a little tip: when you’re at these group events, try to engage in the activities or discussions. It’s a great way to get to know people without the pressure of one-on-one conversations. Also, don’t be afraid to exchange contact information and follow up afterwards. A simple message saying you enjoyed the conversation and suggesting a meet-up for coffee or any related activity can go a long way.

The goal here isn’t to meet as many people as possible but to find those few you really click with. Quality over quantity, always. So go ahead and take that step to join something new – it could lead you to some of the most rewarding friendships of your life.

Related articles:

The Cost That Comes With Wellness Retreats

The Self-Love Handbook

Beyond Therapy: The Value of Natural Supports

The Power of Female Friendships Throughout Your Life

2. Be open to making the first move

Assume that people already like you.

Read that again. 

Embracing the mindset that people already like you can be a powerful approach when you’re stepping out to make friends as an adult. This attitude is grounded in the idea of a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you assume others are inclined to like you, your behaviour naturally becomes more open, friendly, and engaging, which, in turn, makes you more likeable.

Be the first to say hi. 

It might be extremely intimidating to make the first move, but think about it – everyone’s there to connect, and they’re probably just as nervous as you. A simple “Hey, I loved your take on that book” or “Your hiking boots are awesome, where’d you get them?” can open up a conversation. Find common ground as a starting point. 

Another key thing is to be genuinely interested in the other person. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to talk about themselves. People love feeling heard and understood. Listen as much as you talk. It’s a conversation, not an interview.

Lastly, patience is key. Good friendships take time to develop. They’re not instant, but they’re worth the wait. Keep putting yourself out there, and before you know it, you’ll start connecting with people who get you and appreciate your unique vibe.

3. Reconnect with old friends 

Taking that step to reach out can be a bit nerve-wracking, though. Maybe you’re worried about how much time has passed or whether you’ve both changed too much. But more often than not, old friends are thrilled to hear from you. It’s like getting a surprise gift out of the blue – who wouldn’t love that?

When you’re starting that initial “I was thinking about you” conversation, you might want to suggest a concrete plan instead of a vague “let’s catch up sometime.” Ask them for a coffee date next Thursday or a game night this weekend. It shows you’re serious about wanting to reconnect and makes it easier for them to say yes.

New friendships can also be found in old ones. Sometimes, a friend-of-a-friend can become a newfound friendship that you’ll end up keeping for life. 

Note: Sometimes reconnecting with an old friend just reminds you of why you drifted apart in the first place. And that’s okay too! Not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime, and each one teaches us something valuable.

4. Try using apps and social media platforms

There’s a whole universe of apps out there designed to connect people with similar interests, whether you’re into books, sports, gaming, or anything else under the sun. And then there are the broader social media platforms where joining groups or following pages related to your interests can lead you to like-minded individuals. 

Here are some ways on how to make the most out of this golden age of technology:

• Choose the right platform: Start with platforms that align with your interests. For instance, if you’re a fitness enthusiast, apps like Strava or Meetup groups for local hikes might be your jam. If you’re into gaming, platforms like Discord have countless communities.
• Be active: Once you’ve joined a group or a platform, don’t just lurk. Engage with the content, join in on conversations, and don’t be shy to post your own thoughts or questions. Engagement is key to making connections.
• Be yourself: It’s tempting to present an idealised version of yourself online, but authenticity is what really fosters meaningful connections. Share your genuine interests and be open about looking to make friends.
• Follow up: Made a connection you’re excited about? Don’t be afraid to follow up and propose a one-on-one chat or meetup. Sometimes taking the initiative is all it takes to move from online acquaintances to real-world friends.

The goal isn’t to amass a huge number of superficial connections but to find those few people you really click with. Take your time. Be selective. Don’t get discouraged if it takes a bit of trial and error to find your crew.

How to maintain adult friendships

Friendships are a two-way street. Both sides need to invest in keeping the friendship alive. The beauty of adult friendships is that they can become deeper and more meaningful over time, enriched by shared history and experiences. 

1. Find ways to keep in touch

• Regular check-ins: A simple text, voice note, or email to say hi and ask how they’re doing can mean a lot. 
• Snail mail or small surprises: There’s something special about receiving a handwritten note or a small package in the mail.
• Shared online activities: Watch a movie together using a streaming service’s watch party feature, play an online game, or start a virtual book club. 

2. Make time for each other

• Plan ahead: Spontaneous meetups become rare as life gets busier. Scheduling time together, even if it’s weeks or months in advance, ensures that you have a dedicated slot for each other. 
• Incorporate them into your routine: Be creative with the time you have. Have a workout buddy? Need to walk your dog? Like exploring new eateries? Invite your friend to join you.
• Be understanding of life’s ebbs and flows: There will be times when meeting up or even staying in touch regularly is hard. Be compassionate and understanding of each other’s circumstances. The key is to pick up where you left off without guilt or blame.

3. Prioritise trust and honesty

• Be open and vulnerable: Sharing your fears, hopes, and dreams can be daunting, but it deepens the trust between friends. Let your guard down and be honest about what’s going on in your life.
• Keep promises and commitments: If you say you’re going to do something, follow through. This builds trust over time and shows that you’re reliable.
• Communicate openly: Don’t shy away from discussing misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Addressing issues directly and with compassion can prevent resentment from building up and strengthen the friendship.

4. Celebrate traditions and create new ones

• Maintain existing traditions: Whether it’s a weekly coffee date, a monthly dinner date, or a yearly weekend getaway, keep those traditions alive as much as possible. They serve as anchor points in your friendship.
• Create new traditions: It could be something simple, like a quarterly book exchange, or something more elaborate, like a joint venture on a new hobby or project.
• Celebrate milestones together: Make an effort to be there for the big moments in each other’s lives, be it birthdays, job promotions, or personal achievements. Celebrating these milestones together cements your role in each other’s lives.

Find friends worth keeping in Highlands Centre for Healing

Finding those forever kind of friends is truly invaluable. In a world that can sometimes feel lonely and disconnected, having adult friendships is like having anchors that keep you grounded and sails that help you navigate the vast seas of life. While finding and nurturing these friendships might require effort, the rewards are truly lifelong and beyond measure.

If your heart’s been yearning for connections that go beyond the surface, consider this your invitation. Join us at Highlands Centre for Healing, where new friendships await amidst the calm of nature and the joy of shared discovery. Whether it’s finding peace among animals, sharing laughter and stories in the afternoon, or exploring wellness together, this place has a way of turning moments into lasting bonds. We promise.

Explore the perfect place to find those keep-forever kind of friends today.